A New Meaning to Soul Food

BOOKNOTES

Women Food and God
Geneen Roth
Scribner, 2010

ISBN 978 1 4165 4307 7

Many readers who pick up Geneen Roth’s new book have already worked their way through her previous bestseller: When Food is Love. Both narrate her therapy with women who do battle with food. Those who believe they love nothing more than they love food, and those who believe that they hate nothing more than they hate food. Roth tells the stories of many women who are caught in a tug of war between these feelings. They love to hate food; they hate to love it.

Roth and many authors like her have an insider’s view of eating disorders. They merge deep psychological themes such as ambivalence about mother, self-critical views of the body, and ambivalence about food. In this book Roth takes the food obsessed worldview a step farther. She proposes that the web of behavior, feelings, and beliefs that shape the meaning of eating also reflect the inner map of spirituality.


To order this book go to: http://www.bargainbookstores.com/1416543074/M/1416543074.htm

Marriage in the Mirror

Committed.
By Elizabeth Gilbert
Viking, 2010.

ISBN 978 0 670 021165 9

Marriage in the Mirror

Once again Elizabeth Gilbert has given her readers a book long on charm. This time it is about marriage. She writes like a journalist. Her style is one most often found in an eight paragraph op-ed. A catchy idea and some utterly delightful one liners. It is nothing short of remarkable that she can sustain this for eight chapters.

Part of the pith of Gilbert’s writing comes from the fact that she dares to break the rules. To use language for which in her mother’s generation kids got their mouths washed out with soap. Gilbert bashes tradition, ridicules time honored ideas, and prides herself in being a rebel. This out-of-the-box style has become Gilbert’s signature. Her style is seductively naughty. She is a literary flirt.

So why read this book? For entertainment, of course. But it is also a lively case study of what happens when narcissism is promoted from personal habits to a general theory of everything. It is a personal statement of Gilbert’s views on marriage; but it is also a very revealing statement about herself, her husband and lovers, her family, her friends, and her ex-husband. She chose to call it “Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage.” She could just as well have called it “I’m so Wonderful: How I Decided that Everything’s About Me.”

To purchase this book go to: http://www.bargainbookstores.com/Committed-A-Skeptic-Makes-Peace-with/M/0670021652.htm

The Morality of War: Is There Anything Left to Say?

Steven Galloway. The Cellist of Sarajevo. New York: Riverhead Books, 2008


ISBN-10 1594483655

ISBN-13 978-1594483653


Who doesn’t love a story, even a story that here and there is sickening. Steven Galloway has written a captivating story with layers that stir reflection long after the last page has been read. There is nothing particularly new about his theme: war and the way it challenges the humanity of those struggling to survive it. But there is something fresh about the way the author coaxes the reader into the experiences of ordinary people and their struggle to carry out the ordinary events that still demand to be done under the most miserable of circumstances.

Like so many current novels this story about a cellist is light on heroes. The plain characters have a quality of familiarity; while reading about them it seems okay to be a plain reader. They struggle to maintain a thread of meaning in a context of meaninglessness. They do this not because they are heroes, but because they are not ready to die. Barely into the story Galloway introduces us to snipers, whose shots out of nowhere rip into the present and redefine it. Then just as the plot tells us that there is a lull in the sniper’s shots, and just as we are told that the people on the streets are “breathing easier,” the author encourages the reader not to breathe easy quite yet because the “sniper will fire again, though, if not here then somewhere else, and if not him then someone else, and it will all happen again…. “ (p. 33) This is our story and we are in the middle of our own battle.

One could say that this tragic story of Sarajevo is dark and grim. Certainly the historic Siege of Sarajevo –the one we now vaguely remember from stories on the news – was grim. And because we can still remember when it happened our own capacity for denial does not work very effectively. We are not allowed to settle back in our chair and read on with the comfort that it is just a story. It was an event. It happened in real time to real people. It makes a difference that we can remember when it happened.

This work of fiction does for us what watching the news cannot do. It forces us to look deeper than the carnage of war. It demands that we face the daunting possibility that in the misery and chaos there is nothing. That life is nothing more than a “series of inconsequential junctions, any or none of which can lead to salvation or disaster.” (p. 82) Once we admit that we cannot escape, however, we stand also before the possibility of staring down the haunt of hopelessness and taking up life, one small thing at a time. And those small things make all the difference. Perhaps that is why we can love a story, especially if it takes us out of our escapes and back into life.

Many contemporary storytellers shy away from admitting the moral message of their writing. Steven Galloway does not. He also does not hesitate to emphasize that the art of writing a good novel is having a good story. It is hard to imagine writing a story about war without making some judgments about the moral challenge of the situation. Without this the writer might be left with little except gore and tragedy. But Steven Galloway also does not batter his reader with judgment, and this is the artistry of his story. He spotlights the issues by opening up the mind of his characters. In an interview about his book Galloway says that one of the opportunities that comes with being a writer is that “you get to be involved in that larger world conversation about what we can do while we’re on this earth."

Order This Book From:

http://www.bargainbookstores.com/The-Cellist-of-Sarajevo/M/1594483655.htm

For an interesting interview with Steven Galloway see:

http://www.threemonkeysonline.com/als/cellist_of_sarajevo_steven_galloway.html

 

Saving a Marriage by Letting Go

Sometimes a book is like a labyrinth. Once you give in to the impulse to explore it a little you discover that you have no choice but to persist until you work your way all the way through and out the last page. Laura Munson’s book is one of those. It has an unusual title, and it has an equally curious subtitle: “A Season of Unlikely Happiness.” The person who recommended this book to me seems to have forgotten the main title because I went off to the bookstore looking for a book about unlikely happiness. It is a catchy idea. With the help of a mind-reader at the information desk I found the book, and it did not disappoint me.

Anyone who has invested time in the hunt for happiness knows that it is an elusive prey. At its best the hunt is exhausting. At its worst it is a waste of time because instead of being where it is supposed to be it often seems that happiness has moved on and is now somewhere else. The possibility that happiness might be unlikely has a certain appeal to anyone who has experienced the disappointment of not finding happiness even in what might be thought to be the most likely places. Therein lies the appeal of unlikely happiness. So what does the author have in mind?

Laura Munson has put her soul out for us to see. She has invited us to venture through a very rough patch of life with her, a time when her family seems to be falling apart and when the two persons upon whom she has most counted for love and security seem to be wandering away. In this maelstrom of feelings she discovers the difference between finding happiness and being happy. Happiness is not somewhere and it is not something. Happiness, she concludes, rests in the decision not to suffer.

Controlling someone else, demanding what you deserve, and fighting your way through to what you want may be decisions. They are decisions that might appear to be courageous when life takes a down-pitch. They are also decisions that invite suffering because they involve staking happiness on something over which you do not have control. On the other hand embracing each day’s small possibilities, living clearly in the moment, and sorting out the difference between compassion and control allows life to flow on. In discovering this Laura Munson experienced unlikely happiness even in the roughest times, and her courage in sharing that with her readers is a gift.

To purchase this book:
http://www.bargainbookstores.com/This-Is-Not-The-Story-You/M/0399156658.htm

For more information about Laura Munson:
http://lauramunson.wordpress.com/lauramunsonauthorwebsite/
http://www.lauramunsonauthor.com/

Choosing Happiness

Booknotes:

Authentic Happiness
Martin Seligman
Free Press, 2002


Being introduced as a psychologist is not always an honor. Because the discipline has been identified with ferreting out trouble and devising methods for fixing it, psychologists are often asked if they analyze people and see their neurosis,. Even in its more practical applications, such as advertising and education, psychology has been linked to methods of mind-control and the power to make people do what experts want them to do.


Martin Seligman, more than any other figure in the discipline, has been able to separate psychology from a preoccupation with illness and abnormality. He started out studying the link between helplessness and depression, and he did ground-breaking research that altered theories of depression and the treatment of persons who suffer from it. But, at a significant point in his career Seligman determined that psychology was too focused on the down-side and had neglected identifying sources of happiness. He determined to change this.

Seligman is not only a dreamer; he is a doer. He determined that it is not enough to be a spreader of cheer; he also wanted his ideas to be scientifically sound. Once convinced of the importance of developing a science of happiness, Seligman assembled a team of top flight researchers to join him, and they founded a movement in psychology called Positive Psychology. Over a decade they have put forward daring ideas, and they have backed them with careful research.

In Authentic Happiness Seligman sorts out myths about happiness. He gathers convincing evidence that we cannot make ourselves happy with wealth, education, luxuries, and pleasure. He is not opposed to pleasure, but he is clear that by itself pleasure is not the formula for lasting happiness. What is even more striking about Seligman’s research is the evidence that illness, hardship, or disadvantage do not by themselves condemn anyone to unhappiness.

Evidence from laboratory research, individual interviews, and large group surveys suggests that lasting happiness is strongly linked to factors over which we have voluntary control. In identifying sources of enduring happiness Seligman highlights the distinction between pleasure and gratification. Pleasure he suggests is experienced through the senses and associated with positive emotions. It’s fun to laugh. Chocolate is yum. Some people get a rush riding roller-coasters. And a warm hug is nice. Gratification by contrast rises out of living in a way that expresses personal strengths and leads to virtue. Sometimes gratification is not dependent on positive emotions at all, but rather on an abiding sense of purpose and awareness of meaning.

Seligman’s exploration of virtue is built around a core set of characteristics recognized throughout history by ethicists and promoted by world religions. After extensive research he is convinced that they fall into six categories: Wisdom/knowledge, courage, love/humanity, justice, temperance, and spirituality/transcendence. Examples of what this might mean are teased out in Seligman’s discussions of work, love, and child-rearing.

The Positive Psychology movement offers relief to therapists who have found themselves muzzled when clients begin talking about values when what they really mean is unconsidered impulses. Every therapist has had the experience of listening silently, trying to be non-judgmental, while a client forms an intent that sounds more like a plan to self-destruct than a plan to thrive. Of course there is no justification for therapists using their client’s trust as an opportunity to control them. Therapists are helpers, not masters. Nonetheless, Positive Psychology is optimistic in suggesting that the search for a full and satisfying life is more than a pattern of random discovery. It is something we can choose.

In addition to being a major spokesperson for psychology as a science and as a profession, Seligman has changed his field. He has made it possible for serious scientists to explore virtues and the good life. This has moved psychology beyond its preoccupation with the pleasure principle. Seligman has boldly asserted that it may be pleasurable to drink champagne and drive a Porsche, but that this is not the means to achieving lasting gratification. Contrary to public opinion, the good life is found not through pleasure alone, but through using personal strengths to good ends.

The boldest of Seligman’s assertions are those concerning the meaningful life. This is an area that psychologists, in their effort to remain neutral and objective, have tended to neglect. But Seligman has boldly put his own gift of eloquence to a good end in suggesting that the meaningful life is found by putting personal strengths to the service of something greater than self. By daring to be visionary, Seligman has been able to produce solidly scientific books that have become best sellers because they take seriously the modern hunger for spirituality.

http://www.authentichappiness.sas.upenn.edu/
http://www.ppc.sas.upenn.edu/

Admitting Mistakes

Booknotes:

Mistakes Were Made (but not by me)
Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson
Harcourt, 2007


Just about anyone who has serious conversations with others has felt puzzled at times to discover how tenaciously someone can hold on to a prized opinion in the face of over-whelming evidence to the contrary. What is even more puzzling is recognizing that after a good debate in which both sides have been putting out their best evidence, the parties do not move any closer to agreement. In fact, often they go away more convinced than ever of their own positions.


How can it be that the human species, which is supposed to be the most rational species, sometimes just isn’t very rational at all? This would be easier to accept if the pockets of irrationality were only found in persons not like us. Or someone who is obviously not an expert. Or someone we judge lacks intelligence. The problem is that cock-eyed thinking happens to everyone; it happens to people just like us. And if we have the courage to admit it, it happens to us more often than we think.

Tavris and Aronson have offered us a very thoughtful exploration of how we go about justifying mistakes. It is not surprising that we look for good reasons to bolster the choices we make. Sometimes we are trying to convince others, but just as often we are reassuring ourselves. The more evidence and argument we can accumulate, the better we feel. In their very insightful book about mistakes Tavris and Aronson use solid research from a long tradition of inquiry to which they have both contributed.

The basic notion with which Tavris and Aronson work is “cognitive dissonance.” Put very simply: we do not like to have contradictions in our system of attitudes and behavior. Urged on by our own need for consistency we sometimes go to odd lengths to make the system consistent again. We may engage in elaborate justifications of our own behavior or assemble memories with distortions or blatant inaccuracies. Tavris and Aronson generously offer examples of such distortions in their own thinking. They also help us take another look at the behavior of public figures whose stories we have encountered in the news. And here and there they make us uncomfortable about ourselves as we read, because they motivate us to think about our own distortions.

What social psychology can tell us about cognitive dissonance is useful for therapists on two levels. In the process of listening carefully to our client’s narratives we often become aware that parts of the story do not fit. We observe the distortions. It is not particularly useful to write them off as neurotic, and it is even less useful to personalize a client’s motives and assume that an attempt is being made to deceive us. What can be useful is listening from a patient stance until we understand why the jagged edges of the story are so difficult and why it was so important to our client to try to make them consistent again. This recognition identifies the location of our work as we engage with our clients to find a narrative that is both more consistent and less distorted.

This takes us to the second level at which being aware of cognitive dissonance is a therapist’s good friend. As we listen to our clients we get caught up in our own inconsistencies. When we think we have made a good diagnosis we do not like to hear evidence to the contrary. When our clients make value statements that are inconsistent with our own we may too easily jump to the judgment that their view is a manifestation of pathology while our own an expression of health. Sometimes we are competitive with our clients. We may not be happy to see them resolve life problems in areas where we ourselves remain stuck. Or we may subtly enlist our clients to prove us right by encouraging them to make the same mistakes we have made in order to make our own look more reasonable and normal.

Cognitive dissonance explained as Tavris and Aronson do gives new meaning to the therapist’s struggle with counter-transference. The hazard of transference is not limited to the danger that our own neurosis will find a dancing partner with the neurosis of our clients. They take the pathology out of cognitive dissonance and help us to see the everydayness of it. It is a lovely reminder that therapists need supervision by their peers not because they are bad therapists but because they are human. And of course the supervision we need is from persons to whom we have given permission to challenge the dissonance and self-justifications in our own thinking. Using some of the ideas offered by Tavris and Aronson is a good start.

Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson are both deans of social psychology. They have been researchers and teachers for decades, and both are good models of scientist helpers. Tavris has written textbooks for use in the classroom. Aronson has been President of the American Psychological Association in which role he has been an observer of the broad expanse of both the science and the practice of psychology. It is clear from their writing that beyond the intent to propagate interesting ideas, they are eager to put their ideas to the service of others. This wonderful little volume on mistakes and self-justification is clear and entertaining. It is good reading for anyone who believes that ideas make a difference and wants to be accountable for their own.

http://aronson.socialpsychology.org/
http://tavris.socialpsychology.org/